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C August 23, 2011 Life Goes On
My sincere appreciation to all of
those who have sent messages of condolence following my mother's death.
Since I do not believe that the soul can exist as something separate
from the body, no more than a whirlpool can exist separate from the
river, for me there is no afterlife. I don't think that my mother
is in heaven, nor has she "gone to a better place". I believe
that my mother has simply ceased to exist. Some people find this
belief harsh and cold, but it is the temporary nature of our
relationships with those we love that make them so very precious. I will always miss my
parents, now that they are both gone. Life goes on.
Monday morning we were off to Kelowna for a visit to my former brother in law, Tom and my amazing nephew Ean.
We spent Monday night in Peachland as guests of my former sister in law, Sheila. The next morning we did a short walk along Sheila's ridge, then headed on up to Williams Lake to introduce Panda to my cousin Colleen.
We were back in Maple Ridge in time for mother's memorial service on Friday. Sunday was spent on the Fraser River, as guests of my second cousin, Scott.
Then a very pleasant evening with Tony and Donna, who had met Panda when they toured China.
After a day of recuperation we were off to Gibsons to touch base with my old friends.
And for a final wrap up to the summer, took a day trip to Britannia Mines and Whistler,
We took the ferry over to Nanaimo for the second time to connect with my daughter.
On the way back to Maple Ridge we stopped in at White Rock to visit Karen and Bruce.
The next day we took Panda into Vancouver to show her Chinatown. Our way of easing her back into her own country.
Followed by dinner with Sharyl and Dennis.
So that's the end of another
amazing summer. I'm so filled with gratitude for the hospitality
and generosity of my friends and family. If any of you are reading
this, please know that I love you all dearly and appreciate you beyond
what words can express.
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August 19, 2011 Mother is Dead My apologies for not making more frequent updates to this site. It's been a busy week. My mother passed away last Saturday evening. Sunday there was a large family gathering at Ken and Darlene's home. Monday, Ruth, Panda and I set out for the interior to visit Tom and Ean in Kelowna, Sheila in Peachland, Colleen and Jerry in Williams Lake. It's been a lot of driving, and some great "face time" with relatives. Today, Friday, there will be a memorial for my mother at the Maple Ridge Baptist Church at 1:00pm, an hour and a half from now. I'm snatching these few minutes to do this preliminary post. Pictures to follow.
I held mother's hand for the last few hours of her life. Hers was a difficult death, and it was a relief when she finally slipped away.
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C
While we are on vacation, these posts are for my friends and students in China who may be
interested in the adventures of Panda in Canada. For a more
complete set of pictures, be sure to visit
Ruth's Flickr site.
The train stopped in Jasper for forty-five minutes while they washed the windows.. They had added the panorama car in Edmonton.
The observation cars had collected a pointillism abstract of bugs on the evening run across the prairies.
On Wednesday morning we went straight from the train to Susan's apartment.
Then to the hospital. Mother
has been in the hospital for the entire time we've been in Canada this
summer, which added a tension to the Winnipeg and Saskatoon portion of
our vacation. It was good to finally get in to see her, though the
circumstances I found her in can only be described as a horror show. Mother
was delirious when she was awake at all. There were three other patients in the room.
The cleaning staff made no attempt to subdue their voices. Doctors
would come in and shout questions to the elderly patient in the next
bed. Mother would wake up in a panic. She didn't know where she was,
why she was there, who we were, sometimes even who she
is. At one point a large elderly man escaped from his restraints
and was stumbling around naked, catheterized. Mother thought there
was a monster in the room.
Thursday morning we learned there was a room available in the hospice attached to the hospital. What a relief. Sudden serenity. No rules about visiting. Mother is in a spacious room with a couch that turns into a bed. Somebody can be with her twenty-four hours a day. We could decorate her room with her favorite pictures and keepsakes. Best of all, pets are welcome.
There is no treatment here, no attempt to prolong life. Mother has cancer that has eaten away her lower jaw and invaded her esophagus. Without the drugs the pain would be unbearable. She has no mobility at all. There's no quality of life left. We have vowed to keep her pain free, and to always be there if she wakes up. But there will be no attempt to prolong her life, which would merely be prolonging suffering. Now we wait, and watch in case she wakes up.
I spent a night in mother's room at the hospice, but with sisters Catherine, Susan, and Mary all taking turns to watch over mother, we had time for some visiting. Reta and Martin had met Panda when they toured China, and provided a letter of support for her second visa application.
We were a little disappointed that Reta and Martin had not unwrapped their pool, due to the cool wet summer. But we brought the sun with us from Winnipeg. We took Panda up to Kanaka Falls for a splash in the cold water of Kanaka Creek..
Panda was surprised to hear her name called in the supermarket. Ken and Darlene also met her on their tour in China, and recognized her in the store.
We went into Vancouver to catch China's entry in this year's fireworks competition.
The next day we went back to Vancouver to watch the Pride Parade.
Vancouver Island
With mother sedated but stable, we took a few days to get over to Vancouver Island to see my children and grand children. For the seventh year in a row I'm indebted to my high school best friend, Clint L'Heureux, and his wife, Linda, for putting us up and treating us like family.
Finally, Ruth meets the grand kids.
With the news that mother's condition is unchanged, I decided to delay one more day on the island and give my son, Victor, a hand with pouring concrete foundations under one of my ex-wife's houses.
I'm well aware of leaving people out of this account of our visit to the island. We had a great evening with Doug Dodd, a nice morning with Ingo, and I do enjoy ALL my grand children, not just Kiri. I haven't included any pictures of Clint and Linda, or Gordon and Ursula, or for that matter my sister Catherine. I hope nobody's feelings have been hurt. Again, if you want a more complete pictorial account, please visit Ruth's Flickr site where she's posted pictures of our summer so far.
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There's been too much happening to keep up with, and my camera has decided that it needs servicing. So to get the whole story of our summer vacation, visit Ruth's Flickr site. Briefly we've been busy with the Winnipeg Fringe Festival, Ruth and Panda had a day at the Manitoba Museum. Doug generously lent us his car, so we got out to Lower Fort Garry and then to Oak Hammock Marsh. We had a day on bicycles exploring Assiniboine Park.
Now I'm writing this just downhill from Jasper on Via Rail.
The train ride is wonderful. We have lower berths, and Panda has an upper. Meals are included, and they are gourmet quality served on white linen with elegant china and silverware. The crew is friendly, Between wine tasting and prairie talks and movies and reading books on the iPad, this trip will not be long enough. Two days and two nights just isn't enough.
The views have been incredible. I just freshened up with a shower. Life is good edging on decadent.
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C
Since the summer in Winnipeg is so short, the city crams all kinds of culture into the available months. Right now the Fringe Festival is in full swing. We've been catching three or four shows a day. Some clearly need work, but some are brilliant and show the years of development it took to grow them to maturity. One such show is "This is Cancer".
You wouldn't expect a show about cancer to have a lot of
entertainment value and fun. But in this case you'd be surprised.
The show had its origins in the cabaret clubs of Toronto, way back in
2004. It's been growing, refining, and developing since then, and
the maturity of the production really makes it stand out among the other
Fringe Festival shows. Brilliant and touching.
One of the joys of "Fringing" is the conversations with audience members and performers between shows. We compare notes and exchange lists of those shows not to be missed, and those to be avoided.
That was yesterday. Today an old friend of Ruth's took Ruth and Panda up in a private plane for some sight seeing. Everybody is knocking themselves out to show Panda a great time in Canada.
That was the morning. We spent the rest of the day at the pilot's home, enjoying a great BBQ dinner and wonderful family life.
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C
Today's Chinese word of the day was inspired by vacuuming the borrowed car before returning it. Donna and Terry's gift of a modern automobile to use for our visit to Saskatoon added immensely to our trip. It sat for most of the time while we visited Ruth's mother and sister's family, but it gave us the freedom to meander on our way home.
Meander we did. We drove from Saskatoon to Elrose where, some twenty-seven years ago, Ruth was part of a Katimavik team that built the adventure playground.
On our way into Moosejaw we noticed signs advertising the Moosejaw Tunnel Tour. There were two choices - the Al Capone/Chicago connection and the Chinese immigrant story. We chose the latter, since we want to give Panda some connection to Chinese history in Canada.
The tour took us into the underground laundry where Chinese immigrants spent literally years without seeing the light of day, working to pay off their passage to Canada, the head tax, and the coolie broker fees. While most immigrant groups suffered incredible hardship on first arriving in Canada, the racist treatment of the Chinese stands out as a particular blemish on the Canadian conscience.
Driving from Moosejaw to Wilcox, location of a movie I directed back in 1980, a date I will never forget because my eldest son was born while I was making the film, I noticed "Dog River" on a grain elevator that should have read "Rouleau" and realized that we had stumbled onto the shooting location for CTV's "Corner Gas", one of our favorite Canadian sitcoms.
And in Wilcox I got to show Ruth the Father Athol
Murray's Tower of God, a
structure that most resembles a forty foot tall brick privy and my vote
for the most tasteless religious monument in the world. But
really, wood of the true cross in Wilcox, Saskatchewan. Who'da
thunk it.
Nostalgia continued as I caught Connie Kaldor in performance with her family backup band. I directed the Saskatchewan movie for Expo '86, and Connie's amazing voice and lyrics set the mood for that film. I bought two of Connie's CD's for Panda to take back to China and we stood in line to get them autographed.
After the day of performances at the festival, we gathered around the Baggiecon* campfire for a music circle, finally leaving for Winnipeg at three in the morning again. *So named because the group grew out of SF fandom conventions, and camped during stormy weather in huge "baggies" made out of tarps.
So Monday was a day of recovery until the "Dead Mouse" party* at the Bhigg House, another music circle lead by Decadent Dave Clement with special guest Fred Penner, one of Canada's best known folk singers and children's performers. *Okay, long story: Those who camp with the Baggiecon group at the Winnipeg Folk Festival are known as the country mice, while those who crash in the Bhigg House are city mice. This originated as a password for entrance to the big house, with unrecognized visitors being asked whether they were a city mouse or a country mouse. After the festival, all mice are dead tired, hence the Dead Mouse Party to wind things up. Ruth has introduced me to a whole new culture.
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C
Dr. Warner is the perfect tour guide, a poster boy for smart people. He brushed off our gratitude for taking his vacation time by explaining that he was escaping for a couple of hours from his three year old and two year old kids. What we understood of his tour was fascinating. I came away with the impression that the culture of science is complex, integrated, formalized, and quite healthy.
As mentioned above, Kim Mysyk, Ruth's sister's husband, is a geologist, and one of the authors of a slim book about the stones used in Saskatchewan architecture. He took us on a tour of the geology department of the University of Saskatchewan.
The Mysyk family has been coalescing from the four corners of the earth, and this was our second trip to the airport to pick up a returning daughter. Heather has just returned from two years away in New Zealand, Australia, South East Asia, London, Iceland, and Toronto. She and her sisters are off to the Okanogan to pick cherries. I think Panda has been impressed by the mobility and adventurousness of Canadian youth.
They've been keeping Panda and me busy, with delicious
dinners, good company, and an afternoon spent at "Boomtown" within the
Western Development Museum in Saskatoon, the most complete display of
the pioneer lifestyle and farming culture I've ever seen, with all kinds
of antique cars, an entire (huge) steam locomotive, a sod cabin, rows of
antique tractors and farm machinery, and free samples of home made
ice-cream. Just one of the best museums I've ever explored.
C
Even with the delay, we arrived in Vancouver before we left Shanghai due to crossing the date line and the time change. Unfortunately there was a huge lineup at customs. So much for protection. By the time we got through to the Air Canada clerk, our rebooked flight had gone without us. So it was several hours in the Vancouver airport before our re-rebooked flight to Winnipeg.
Ruth and I watched "Temple Grandin" (great biopic about the autistic designer of most modern slaughter houses) on the Shanghai -Vancouver leg of the flight. Panda took our recommendation and tried to watch it on the Winnipeg flight. That didn't really work out.
Donna, Ruth's 8th grade teacher, and her husband Terry drove in from their country home to visit us. That led to an invitation to go with them to their home and return to Winnipeg in their car. So we had one night in the country. Panda got to see a deer, and roar around like a typical Canadian maniac on an overpowered ATV.
C
I sent off a panic email to my travel agent, asking if she could get Panda on the same flight as us. But by Wednesday evening I hadn't heard. So I got on the Internet and went directly to Air Canada. Wonder of wonders, there were still twelve seats available on our flight to Vancouver, and also some empty seats on the Vancouver to Winnipeg leg. So Panda is booked. The panic is over, and the excitement builds. Panda has never flown before. Now Ruth and I can discuss custody.
The little village to the north of our campus is slated for the wrecking ball, no doubt to be replaced by soulless and characterless high rises and modern shops.
We went for our last meal at the Duck Restaurant. That's not its real name, but that's one of its specialties. We ate in the room where we had our wedding party last September. Our wedding decorations lasted until this visit, but now the room is stark and bare. It's sad to think that by the time we come back from our summer at home, our favourite restaurant and the street it sits on will be gone.
C
During the break, the organizers asked us to perform a couple of songs. I always have a problem with the technical stuff with this kind of performance. It's really hard to perform with no stage monitors and a human microphone stand. But this is the world's most forgiving audience. So we just had fun.
After the TEDx show, the organizers and speakers all went out for the traditional Chinese feast. A great end to a great day.
Before we fly back to Canada at the end of this week, Ruth and I wanted to get our teeth cleaned again. I managed to convince Panda to have hers cleaned too. That wasn't easy, but a worthwhile argument.
At last we have a prototype for the drag and drop
vocabulary learning tool (Okay, let's call it a game and make it sound
like more fun). This was inspired by
the map learning game I posted
earlier, the game that took me from knowing vaguely where the
countries of the Middle East and Eastern Europe are to being able to
place them on the map with 100% mastery.
Click on the picture above to take
our Chinese vocabulary board for a trial run. The way to use
this is NOT to treat it as a test. It isn't a test. Just
place the words on the board by trial and error as fast as you can,
then refresh the board and do it again. The positions of
pictures and words will randomize with each refresh, so you will have
to try to associate words and characters with pictures rather than
locations. See how
long it takes to get to the point where you can place them all without
making a mistake.
If you
have a child who's learning to read, or a Chinese child
who is learning English, have them
Graduation and Military Training Season
I always feel sorry for our freshmen. They have
to go through two weeks of military training, which I'm told consists
mostly of learning to march. This year it's being done at the
end of the second term, rather than in the Fall, because too many of
the military were tide up with Expo.
Graduation Ceremony
We were actually on our way to take a look at the
graduation ceremony when the soldiers in the rain caught our
attention.
Thanks for the Dinner
Our Chinese teachers, Chen Fu (Frank Chen) and Carolyn
insisted on treating us to a dinner.
Chen Fu and Carolyn have been great teachers, and good
friends. With their help we've made a lot of progress. We're so
sad that they won't be available next term.
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